Tag Archives: despair

DAY LVIII

I had a dentist appointment at 11:00 a.m.

The rest of the day I moped around. Very depressed. Very tired. Slept for two solid hours in the afternoon.

My weight is up, despite having resumed jogging during my sojourn on the Big Island. I’m at 207 pounds.

I am SO TIRED of people telling me how to do the deck project. Neighbor guys keep offering their “advice” as to what materials I should use, what tools I should use, how I should put things together, why what I’m doing isn’t right, how it would be so much faster if I did it this way or used these tools or… gah!

The stupid stairs I built leading down to the beach last summer, the ones I cobbled together out of cast-off and leftover lumber using my electric drill and a cheap Black & Decker jig saw, survived their first TOTAL INUNDATION by the ocean last week. They didn’t budge an inch. The surf came up into the yard, over the steps. They’re still fine.

The deck will be the same way. It’s an OLD DECK. It was built fifty years ago. It was built totally “wrong” by today’s standards –– the joists are spaced fifty-one inches apart, there are no support piers under the 8-foot span, and even though most of the supports are badly rotted and termite-damaged, it’s still holding together. I’m putting it back together “wrong” as well, making it up as I go, patching the rotted joists using salvaged 2×4 lumber from the old deck top. All I have to work with is a jig saw and an electric drill. It’s slow, but it’s going to work. What I don’t have is a ton of money. I’m tapped out after buying deck screws and 2×4 stud grade lumber. I can’t afford TREX® planking for the deck. I’m not going to buy, or fuss around with, hidden deck fasteners. I’m not going to buy plywood at fifty dollars a sheet. I’m not going to replace all the 2×6 and 4×6 support beams with new lumber. Sure, if I could afford all that stuff, I would. If I could afford new power tools I’d have a miter saw and the job would be done hours more quickly.

It’s gonna look adequate and it’s gonna function adequately.

Or it would, if I finish it. Right now there’s a big, ugly hole full of rotten wood and rusty nails in front of my house. Since everybody else seems to know how to do things better than I do, maybe I should just let somebody else finish it.

DAY XXI

Quotations from Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week:

 

Tomorrow becomes never.

… to have quality and less clutter.

Do all the things you want to do; be all the things you want to be.

“Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you.

 

Pluck and Luck Dime Novel
Pluck and Luck No. 886, May 26, 1915: Larry Lee, Young Lighthouse Keeper

 

“Possessions, like fat, insulate us from the outside world, building a wall of junk which we can hide behind. Our clutter becomes an insular mechanism for shielding ourselves from pain. We all do to some degree, but few ever make the correlation. The sheer act of acquiring stuff, too, can be a self-medication. How many of us shop in order to feel better? But it´s a temporary fix that, in the end, only adds to our depression.”

Christy Best, Professional Organizer